Fleabag x Steven Universe
by MidooTheGreat
Summary: Fleabag is sent by the Celestrial Spirits to investigate a possible plan of the Gems to invade Planet Earth again! How will the Crystal Gems interact with a stranger claiming he's here to help them? And will he, despite his tremendous skill in swordplay, ever be able to defeat the leader of the Gem race?


**Fleabag x Steven Universe**

 _By MidooTheGreat_

 **CHAPTER I: Welcome to Beach City**

After nearly an hour of flight, the Pegasus landed on what seemed to be a coastal little town. As the horse majestically flapped its wings to land, I observed my surroundings only to find that it was a regular beach city.

I dropped from the Pegasus and I walked about on the wooden pier. I looked left, and I saw a shop that sells fries. The man inside waved at me, and I waved back.

As I walked forward, I gazed at the multi-armed woman lodged on the edge of a nearby mountain. I thought to myself how beautiful it would be to live in there.

I examined my surroundings even more. I was almost about to question Najm's judgment. This town doesn't seem to be in danger. Even if it was, it wouldn't be more than a crab pinching a local citizen.

Suddenly, a low rumbling shook my entire body and I felt as if the earth beneath me was moving. A lime green one-eyed scorpion crashed from under my feet. I successfully dodged it. The scorpion was quickly followed by four odd-looking fighters: a pointy sky-blue woman, a fat purple girl, and a red boxer with ridiculously square hair. They were followed around by a fat boy in a red shirt which struggled to even run.

 _I unsheathed the Luna Sword and I dashed at the scorpion_

 _I raised the sword upright and I gave a few slashes, quickly turning the monster into a load of small cubes._

I landed safely and I slid the Luna Sword back into its scabbard. The fighters seemed really embarrassed of my presence. The fat kid stared at me and said in a scared tone:

"Peaaarl… Is he your friend?"

The pointy woman blushed and flinched, as if she was remembering something:

"I remember him… But I completely forgot where I saw him!"

I smiled as I drew near of all of them. I lunge with my hand, and I was quickly intercepted by the red lady with square hair. She seemed to be the leader.

"Who are you? What is your business in here?" she said in a strict voice.

I raised my hands in front of me, trying to re-comfort them.

"My name is Fleabag, the Lunar Swordsman! I was trained on the discipline of the sword in the most extreme of areas! On the moon, on an erupting volcano, underwater, you name it! I was sent by the Spirit of the Stars to save beach city! I heard you were low on manpower, so I quickly joined in."

The pointy lady jumped in excitement:

"So you are the mysterious fighter that competed in the Sky Arena! I remember you! Your slashes were so quick that even the judge couldn't see your sword move!"

She then quickly turned to the red woman and yelled:

"Garnet, he would be a wonderful addition to our team!"

The red woman adjusted her glasses, and then said in a firm tone.

"He's not a Gem. We wouldn't be Gems if he wasn't physically one of us."

Before the others had any chance to respond to that, the fat kid interrupted her:

"What about Connie? She's not a Gem!"

"I agree with Steven!" said the purple girl. "We should give him a chance!"

The pointy lady quickly screamed at me:

"We're sorry for the inconvenience, Master Swordsman! Of course, we'll let you join our team, as long as you'll vow to help us!"

She then proceeded to nudge the red lady repeatedly with her elbow. I said:

"No worries, I'm here to help in the first place!"

All four of them nodded in acceptance, and then took me to their home. I could say they were pretty welcoming. Their home was very modest and decent, but had an awkwardly cozy feel to it.

 **CHAPTER II: The Family**

 **On the first day** , I got to hang out with the leader of their group.

As I stepped out of my bedroom, I found her leaning on the counter. She pointed at me to follow her. I walked out and she looked at me a very straight look. Apparently, she didn't trust me enough.

"Tell me of your story." She said.

I sat down in a lotus position.

"You truly wish to know my tale? Then bear with me.

I was born within the depths of a dimension where all forgotten childhood memories end up. My mother is deceased, and my father was gravely ill by the time I left home. I spun the globe in search of glory and fame. I ended up in a tiny village where a mysterious old man was sending me on adventures. That kept my thrill for adventure satisfied, but not for long. I requested a huge game as big as my ego at that time.

He sent me on a magical adventure. I rode the white soaring stallion, the Pegasus. He took me to unknown lands and unearthly planes. I was taken to the realms of all the spirits and I was tasked of saving them. I earned the title of the Lunar Swordsman since I was trained for ten years on the face of the moon, in swordsmanship. Imagine trying to keep your balance on the moon, with barely any gravity.

Among my travels, I came across a plane of existence with sea dominating it. I learned the art of underwater swordplay, with a heavy broadsword. Put in mind the density of the area where I trained at three kilometers underground.

Then, after I saved the Spirits and slayed the ultimate Evil, I retired from adventuring and seemingly took on competitive swordsmanship. I fought on the Sky Arena during the twenty-seventh Strongest-Above-The-Heavens Fighting Tournament. They claimed my skill with the sword was unequaled at that time, and that I could move my sword so quickly even my foes could not see it.

Now, here I am, as the Knight of the Spirit of the Moon. I was sent by her father, the Spirit of the Stars, to provide any help you might need. He is, as it seems, foreseeing some great kind of evil which is coming soon.

You must trust me."

A tear rolled down her tan cheeks. She adjusted her glasses and wiped the tear. She then said in her ever-firm tone:

"What about your sword?"

I pulled out the Luna Sword out.

"This is a weapon I cherish the most. It was my companion during my fights. It is the Luna Sword, the symbolical weapon of the Spirit of the Moon. Its blade is forged from the sharp, silvery rays of moonlight, and its hilt is formed in the shape of a crescent moon. If the wielder is truly just, then the weapon has the strength of gathering the moonlight into it and channeling it into a strong burst of light that vaporizes all evil."

Garnet was touched by my story. She showed me her gauntlets and explained the truth of all Gems to me. I listened to everything about her, including her being a fusion. At first I thought it was weird that two females would love each other so much, but after hearing the fact that all gems were genderless, that made slightly more sense.

I got up and I headed towards the door. I turned back to her and I said:

"Garnet, where should I go now?"

"I think the other gems might want to hear about your story." She said.

She smiled. That was unexpected. Everyone feels compassion for me, although I don't think my story is really that touching.

 **On the second day** , I visited Amethyst, the youngest of the Gems. I was told she was childish and reckless, but that only reminded me of myself in my early adventures on Earth.

We met near a garbage can behind a donut shop. She was wielding her crystal whip. She was munching on a chocolate donut. She said:

"So, you're the new guy? I don't really know you, but I've heard you're tons of fun!"

I slid my hands into my pockets and I whipped my tail around:

"When you're on the streets you've got to adapt!"

"What makes you such a street thug?" she said in a playful tone.

"After I defeated the ultimate Evil that was threatening my world, the Spirits gave me sort of a vacation. I went to Liberty City, on Earth, and I had to solve crime my own way. I got accepted onto the streets by a really nice guy named Tyrone. He taught me everything about being street-wise. He even showed me where donut bakers universally hide their leftover donuts!"

I entered my hand into the garbage pile. Counting to eleven and twirling my hands around, I managed to land my fingers on a stale but crunchy candy-coated donut.

I threw it at Amethyst. She nearly exploded in happiness.

"I and Tyrone got so close that we founded a street gang called the Destiny Gang. We were the good side of town. We helped people, guarded banks, saved women and children, and did all sorts of good deeds. Unfortunately, that didn't seem good to the guys running the town from below. Therefore, they sent the FCC after us, headed by some Nate Illumi. He managed to get Tyrone."

Amethyst stared at me and ignored the donut. With her body shape, I'd say ignoring food would be a compliment.

"What happened to him?"

"He got shot."

I sighed and Amethyst apologized.

"I then charged into the FCC head-on. I got the entire town into a riot. We screamed through the streets, and our yells filled every alley of the city. We were fed up of crime. Finally, we managed to get Nate behind bars after a heated fight."

The girl was following my story, and her jaws were nearly locked open in amazement. She cried, just like the other one. What was wrong with my story?

 **On the third day** , I was to spar with Pearl. She was the Knight of the team. She took me to the Sky Arena, where I fought on the tournament.

"This is the Sky Arena, where most battles for earth took place! But, I'm sure you already know that…"

She laughed nervously.

I smiled and said:

"This is the realm of Azura, the Sky Spirit! When the night was set, I'd often come up here and watch the skies with her."

Pearl was amazed, but that wasn't why we were here today. She backed from me ten feet, then she touched her gemstone, and a hologram clone of her emerged.

"I wish to see how far your skill could go!" she said.

As soon as I pulled out the Luna Sword, the hologram was broken into pieces.

"Amazing!" said Pearl. She then proceeded to spawn a legion of holograms.

I pulled out the sword. With the blink of an eye, I was at the other side of the arena, and all of the clones were reduced to pieces. I yawned as they collapsed into debris. Pearl squealed in excitement. While most of the Spirits took my skill for granted, others obviously didn't. She stared at me for what seemed to be a full two minutes.

She then kneeled at me and said:

"Have you ever heard of Rose Quartz?"

"Yes! I fought her in a friendly fight and I won."

Pearl smiled, then laughed, then screamed, then fainted.

 **On the fourth day** , I was going to spend some time with the boy Steven. He was quite the main character in the team. He was the son of Rose Quartz, the leader of the Gems. He was quite a chubby and enthusiastic boy. We sat on the beach, at night.

"So… Remind me again. Who are you?" he said.

"You might not know me yet, but I'm here to help you!"

"The only help you could get me would be to find my mother! I've missed her a lot."

Was that sarcasm?

"Hey, buddy, I lost my mother too. I know what it feels like to be left behind in this world. I didn't even have the chance to see what mine looked like."

I raised my head onto the sky, and I felt like the stars were looking at me.

"A lot of different people raised me. I felt the motherly love of the moon, and the fatherly compassion of the stars. My true mother was only a figure. I really wish I had met her before she was gone. I'm sure she would have been a cool person."

Steven's cheeks were wet with tears. He sniffed and said:

"I felt like the Crystal Gems were all teaming up to be my mother… I'm really sure my mom Rose was a nice person too."

He smiled through his tears. I found myself emotional, and I succumbed to a slow and quiet burst of tears. I was sad, but happy. I got a weird tingling sensation in my stomach, and I felt like I found a brother.

Steven Universe was a simple kid, but he wasn't retarded. I looked at him. He lost his mother before he had the chance to meet her, yet he felt her love through his own existence. He was just like me.

I saw Steven was crying deeply, so I hugged him under the veil of the starry night.

 **CHAPTER III: The Meeting**

As I was playing tag with Steven and Amethyst, a small stone fell from the sky above us and landed right in front of me. It had a letter attached to it.

" _Dear Crystal Gems,_

 _You might think you have gotten away with your rebellion against the sacred Home world of Gems, but that is only what you think._

 _Since I have observed the recent failure of my two strongest minions, Jasper and Peridot, I am coming to finish the job myself._

 _Your chance to surrender is no more. I already gave you one._

 _Your dictator_

 _Yellow Diamond"_

Garnet and Pearl rushed to read the letter. Now, I knew that it was my time to repay them for their kindness and warm acceptance to their world. I pulled out the Luna Sword and raised it in the sky, as I yelled in fury:

"They shall not pass! It is a promise made by Fleabag!"

I was quickly joined by two gauntlets:

"Garnet!"

And a whip:

"…Amethyst!"

And a spear:

"…and Pearl!"

Steven bounced up and touched the weapons with his hand:

"…and Steven!"

We all sat around the rock, pondering about a possible solution.

"Now is your time to show us your true power." Said Garnet.

"I don't think we'll have any problems fighting with you!" said Pearl.

I smiled and shrugged it off, trying to hide my fear. I've defeated legions of Emperor Scorpions, ten Sanctuary Guardians, one corrupted organization the scale of the Interpol, but an entire race? Maybe not.

The night set its veil again, and as the stars began to shine and the moon was high in the sky, a tan girl with glasses and a sword, and a man with a beard and balding long hair joined us. They sat next to us. Apparently, the old man was Steven's father.

"Woohoo, Greg Universe to the rescue." Said Amethyst in a sarcastic tone.

"Cut it out, will you? I'm here to watch over my son!" replied Greg.

The tan girl with a broad saber sat next to Steven. They cuddled and then she said:

"I'm here for you, Steven! All of my training boils down to this moment!"

"Thanks, Connie!"

Steven was thrilled in happiness. Their innocent love caught me emotionally.

Suddenly, a short, sharp whistle made it to my ear. I stood up, followed by the Crystal Gems and the other humans.

"What is it? What's wrong?" said Pearl.

"They're here." I coldly replied.

 **CHAPTER IV: The Gem Invasion**

As the sharp noise reached the ears of the others, a yellow spaceship shaped like a diamond closed in and landed in a nearby beach. Two mysterious figures came out of it. The first one was a yellow gem with a pale coat, disgusted facial expressions, and a yellow diamond on the crown of her head. The second one was a giant orange gem with a Topaz on her forehead. They both descended from the ship.

The buff one had a mirror in her hand.

"So, this is Planet Earth?"

"Yes, ma'am! It is the planet the rebels claim to be protecting."

Yellow Diamond took a disgusted look left and right.

"Pathetic."

Once they saw me, Topaz was surprised even of my existence:

"Ma'am! That one wasn't mentioned in the reports!"

"We'll see about that. Scan them with the Prism."

Topaz proceeded to lift the mirror at each one of the Crystal Gems. She weren't surprised, as she gave a slight giggle every time the mirror gave her a reading.

As for me, the mirror didn't do anything. It didn't beep, and it didn't change in color.

"Topaz, what does the Prism say about his MOHS level?"

"It… It doesn't read anything! He's not a Crystal Gem!"

"Fine. I bet he's just another doddering fool, or at the very best another hybrid."

I pulled out the Luna Sword, and the others pulled out their respective weapons. The exception was Steven, which was shaking in fear.

A few dozen crystal minions came out of the spaceship. They all looked angry and deadly. The crystal gems raised their weapons. I just smirked.

With the blink of an eye, I was on the other side. The minions were reduced to tiny crystal cubes as I yawned, much to the evil gems' displease.

Topaz was left speechless:

"How… How did he do that!? I didn't even see him draw his sword!"

Pearl laughed, being the only one that knew my secret.

"Topaz, take him. This one is skilled." Said Yellow Diamond in a low tone.

Topaz was enraged. With a snap of her fingers, a humongous hammer spawned above her head. She grasped it and looked at me with a threatening look.

 _Topaz charged at me with her hammer. She cocked it backward._

 _What a shame. Her attacks were too predictable._

 _As the hammer swinged, all of the spectators closed their eyes in fear for my life. When they opened their eyes, even Topaz was scared._

 _I was behind her, crouching on the hammer._

 _I back flipped off of it, and Topaz was now even more enraged._

 _She readied herself, muffled like a Taurus, then charged._

 _Once again, I was standing straight atop of her head._

 _"Stop telegraphing your hits!" I told her._

 _I spent ten minutes dodging every single attack she did. When Topaz was finally out of breath, she was gasping for air and barely even able to hold her hammer upright._

 _"Done, now? My turn!" I said._

 _I kicked her in the torso. As gigantic as she is, that should have been hard, but her being tired and unable to fight back made it easier._

 _Topaz collapsed onto the ground, gasping for more air._

 _I returned next to the Crystal Gems, with Steven and Connie applauding._

Yellow Diamond slowly walked towards Topaz.

"Help me!" whispered this latter.

"You are useless." Said Yellow Diamond.

She then grabbed Topaz by her shirt and threw her fifty feet into the sky. Then, she summoned a beam from her fingertips and blew Topaz into bits.

Everyone was shocked. Yellow Diamond was incredibly cruel.

"Your turn." She said, pointing at me.

We all raised our weapons, to begin the fight.

 _We all charged at the same time. Dodging Pearl's spear and Connie's broad saber, Yellow Diamond grabbed Amethyst's whip and tangled Garnet's gauntlets with it._

 _She took every single one of their weapons and broke them one by one._

 _Steven Universe was hiding in a corner, witnessing the destruction. He was shaking in fear, and he thought there was no way he could defeat Yellow Diamond._

 _I slashed at light speed at Yellow Diamond, but she blocked my sword with one finger. I was amazed, but deeply scared._

 _"This is the strength of a Synthetic Diamond." said Yellow Diamond._

 _I didn't believe her. I knew that deep inside, she wasn't really doing anything wrong. He will just wasn't evil enough yet._

 _She pushed me back, and I lost my balance. From the crown of her head, she summoned a claw hand that she grasped confidently._

 _She didn't charge at me like that brute Topaz. Yellow Diamond simply glared at me._

 _I raised the Luna Sword and charged at her. Every single hit would get parried by her Diamond Claw Hand. She finally managed to rip a scar off my face._

 _I slid backwards as I was trying to dodge her hits. She twirled around, and I blocked her hits with the Luna Sword._

 _She charged at me swiftly and scarred my shirt._

 _No matter how much I slashed her, it would either get parried or dodged. I lost confidence in my skills and I collapsed in exhaustion._

 _"You see? There was nothing you could do to save them." She said._

 _She raised her Diamond Claw and she struck as I closed my eyes._

 _Suddenly, I opened my eyes. I wasn't dead!_

 _A bright pink glowing light was emanating from something -or someone- in front of me. A glowing pink shield was set up in front of me, blocking Diamond's claw._

 _I was amazed, as I saw the one protecting me was Steven Universe._

 _"Don't worry, brother! I got this!"_

 _Connie jumped as swiftly as a wild cat from behind us, and with her sword, she managed to block quite a lot of Diamond's strikes._

 _Steven licked my scars and they went off. That was incredible!_

 _Now energized and ready to rip off revenge, I raised the Luna Sword at the moon. As I scream in a low, focused battle scream, the other crystal gems cleared the area. Connie and Steven were distracting Yellow Diamond from me, until I was able to charge the Luna Shine._

 _I screamed continuously, as silvery sparks of lightning covered me and a grey halo covered me and the sword. A lens flare shined in front of the Sword._

 _I yelled once more; "Luna Shine!"_

 _Then, I planted the Sword onto the ground. The sandy beach grumbled under the strength of my attack, and a crack formed open beneath the legs of Yellow Diamond._

 _Connie and Steven jumped back, but Diamond was paralyzed from the brightness of the light. Then, a silvery grey light erected from the crack, and Yellow Diamond slowly vaporized as her screams of agony filled the city. She was finally annihilated._

 _It was over._

 **CHAPTER V: Fare Thee Well**

The next day, I had to leave the Crystal Gems. In order to keep it as emotionless as possible, I packed my things silently that morning.

"Where are you going?" said Steven.

He surprised me.

"Shouldn't you be asleep at this time?"

"I was waiting for you to wake up!"

I smiled. The kid liked me and I liked him back. After all, we were both orphans to some extent. He looked at me sadly and said:

"You're going home, aren't you?"

I sighed as I kneeled down before Steven:

"Brother, I wish I really had a home. I lost mine decades ago."

"So what will you do?"

"I'll just wander alone until the Spirits call me or until I find another family to help. That's what I do in life. I'm like a mercenary, except I work for free!"

Steven looked down. He swept the floor with his foot, before saying in excitement:

"Wait, I know!"

He dashed into his room and returned with a beautiful grayscale-rainbow opal.

"This is a Moonstone Gem! Take it, and remember us!"

I grabbed the gem and I hid it deep beneath the inside pocket of my jacket. The other Gems were up, too. They all said their goodbyes. Garnet said:

"I wish you luck on your mission."

While Pearl dried up her tears and said:

"I'll be on the next Heavens Tournament, cheering for you!"

Amethyst gave me a donut:

"I owe you one! You really saved us!"

I smiled, accepted their gifts, and then I left the beach house. As the Pegasus landed in front of me, I waved them goodbye, and they waved back.

That's it. My task to protect Beach City was over. The Pegasus flew up in the sky before dashing mightily upwards.

 **THE END.**


End file.
